March 31st, 2001

God thank you for such a great night. I really enjoyed having:

_ A dry tent

_Warm clean sleeping bag

_ Peace in my heart

Thank you

I got a chance to wake up and read your beautiful scriptures.

It really excited me to read how the wise men saw _Your_ star in the east.

They came from another place and were not Israelites...I think of all the people in the Bible other than you Jesus, I would like to meet these men.

Laying here in this tent, I feel a kinship to these travelers, these nomads...

...maybe meeting them would make me keenly aware of how much we do not share in common

But I think that there is (in common) that sense of awe of the sacred.

So many good people in the scriptures.

Your words Christ are beautiful.

Thank you for the time to reflect.

Help me

Open my eyes, ears & heart to the needs of others....

Let me be so satisfied in your love for me that I have no fear of rejection from people.

open

Open

Open

and More Open

Singing with Nick (We sang a spiritual) and it was beautiful to hear our very different voices singing the same words of faith.

Went this morning to walk/jog

Wilder State Park

This park really impressed me...Love seeing dunes covered with every sort of mossy/textured/flowered growing thing...realized that the oft barren dunes I have experienced before was the result of too many people walking...not intending harm but too many of them...here signs prohibit any path but the trail and as a result the dunes are not barren but luxurious in all their flora...Animals too (rabbits and birds of kinds I have never seen) WOW! Many of them are endangered and it is an honor to get so close.

Awe of Waves also

I Am talking sheer cliffs with 20 foot waves

AWE

WOW WOWWow!

As a person who feels like an endangered species, as one educated but still unsure of how to make a living who feels different from others...and as a member of a group that is on the fringe, it feels right being here in this bird refugee.

I stand near a flock of birds not wanting to interfere with their space but desire to look again and be again overwelmed by these waves overcomes my shyness. I move closer and in groups of two or three the birds fly off with every step I take towards them, until the boldest remain. Ultimately all of them are gone and I stand alone at the edge of the cliff mildly ashamed to have frightened the birds.

poetry: Ann Lauterbach from _Or to Begin Again_

The great stalks are alert, their

shambles piled: maybe another parade

An evident gray, a slow march

and legions rudderless; an ordinary flow

These none of them quite real, none present,

like mischief in a dream: the blue garment, the rusty blade

Came late or have you come late or are you, you are late

Then on into wakened sobriety's itch.

The great stalks move slightly, They press back

Waiting folds upward into a shape

To be seen later , or not seen, not now, not later

Take hold of this garment, this was said

The thrust of these instructions.

Take hold of this blade

(read at 4am in a tent with the rain and howling wind)

((read in utter awe and contentment))

March 29th

(transcribed)

It is almost two in the afternoon...Today I painted two small landscapes...on my backpack (view of Natural Bridges where God had saved me from drowning a few years ago...so good to be here and again and be thankful.

We could tell that it might rain today so we left the beach...

Thank you God for last night. It was special staying at a beach where you saved me from drowning.

food (camp food) Garbonzo Bean Stew with seaweed, mushroom (shitake) and assorted veggies

and /I am so proud/ corn dumplings stuffed with pepper jack cheese

It is important to have a good simple hot meal at the end of the day

Sitting here @Borders...

LOOKING through the Santa Cruz weeklies

trying to find events and so on. I am sad that Ellen left us. The first three days of anything are the hardest.

Again...yes

Yesterday was a blessing. I had prayed for ice tea and got to drink it twice. Amazing how being tired and out of one's everyday domain makes the simple pleasures (that often bore me) so fantastic. Comfort here is such that I could take a nap (haven't slept all that great these past few days).

Lots of things to think about.

Like each of us on the team have different gifts

Gotta jam...need to find a place before dark

Love you all...thank you for your prayers

xoxoxoxox Susanne

California Central Bay: Log 1But i am so

O3/28/2010 Transcribed from Travel Journal

Beautiful

Mustard Greens

Yellow and Bright

We are in a field of them...we see them, smell them and had some for dinner. Salinas River Wildlife Refuge

Yesterday I thought about burdens...

About how the pack is too heavy for me and then I realized I had packed it. Nobody had packed it for me.

As I reflect on this trip...this walking, getting closer to God and developing as both an artist and as a Christian I am tempted to over anaylize. I want this to be so significant but maybe I need to learn how to just be. All day long I am walking and seeing in the things that I see metaphors for life...and in my mind I try to articulate these things so that they will bless and help other people. But you know what in all this, I am a spectator of my own life instead of being in the moment.

I think of yesterday at the ocean with Ellen...It felt like God was playing with us in the water...The waves came from all directions...each step (and you cannot see the bottom) is different...high water

low water and...that too feels like a metaphor.

God is like the ocean

or...

rather the ocean is like God

Because he made the ocean.

A challenge for sure (both God and the ocean)

but also a joy

deep

shallow

deep

splashing

This morning I washed dishes with God.

It was joyful

(as if)

God was saying

"What do you need a faucet for?

I'll rinse for you"

And so God rinsed the dishes for me.

Thank you Jesus

Had a nice conversation with a man here...

He seemed excited about what we are doing...

He said:

"You'll be fine. What you are doing now you'll (remember? appreciate?)

more than any dumb job.

Feels like maybe...

a lot of people do things for work that they feel alienated from

...that strikes me as being a form of prostitution.

I want a job that I believe in...

Here I am laying down on the cement writing. It is the front of a coffee shop that just closed.

Sun feels good

&

I know that when the sun goes down

again...it will

not be warm anymore.

basic

simple

feels like being connected to the body again.

Jesus....

Thank you for my parents

thank you for their

support and love.

I really want to make them proud.

I have been exclaiming some form of

"LOOK it's BEAUTIFUL"

all day long

&I hope that my comrades are not overtaxed

It has been hard carrying a lot of weight. My feet hurt but I am glad that I am out here doing this.

Open my heart

Jesus so that I can hear you.

I love you.

UNTITLED POem

The other night

I was trying to finish

an application

that I had been working on all day long...

Was:

tired

screen weary

and sick

of being indoors

Then the phone rings

it is a man taking a poll

We accidentally disconnect

I decide (with some thought)

that I'd just as soon not

phone rings

the second call (I ignore)

phone rings

the third call (machine eats)

phone RINGS RINGS RINGS

i amsopissed

"YOUCAN"TDOTHISTOPEOPLE"

and then

the next day

i think

man

maybe hates his job

maybe took it

onlybecause there was n o t h ing else

and then i am sorry as i imagine

his hurt feelings

and his wounded manhood

wounded further by me

Tear out the "shoulds"

(Copied from notes written to self while on break from teaching as a sub) a week ago?

It is cold and grey outside (at least at the time of writing this) but inside I feel a renewed sense of life. If I focused on what I still need to accomplish in life [full time career, established relationship with a member of the opposite sex] I might feel discouraged but when I look at what I have accomplished [traveled around the world under unusual circumstances, obtained a couple of University degrees, made many friends] I feel good about those things. Whatever else it is, my life is not boring.

I get the opportunity to engage in projects of creativity on a regular basis. I absolutely adore the people that I choose to worship Christ with...

....Writing Today

Re-reading these notes, I realize I have so much to be thankful for...I love my friends. Just yesterday I went with friends Nick and James to sit at a park and paint and make bracelets for an upcoming walking trip. We were soon joined by various individuals living outdoors. They shared stories and created art together. This one woman and her gorgeous pit bull named "Pretty Dog" stands out in my mind. She wanted to refresh her memory of how to tie macrame knots. As she worked on a piece with bright pink beads, she regaled us with stories of how she once put her Pit Bull into a tutu and how her and her son protected each other. She beamed with pride to show us her affection for her kids [one son and one "daughter" (the dog) ...It was a endearing and universal picture of motherhood even as it was a little unusual as many mothers live in dwellings with their children.

I sat there continuing on doing art and feeling honored to experience yet another several hours of humanity and to have two good friends there to share it with.

Life is, for me, an adventure...I am going to challenge myself to daily I tear out any "shoulds" that are interfering with my "coulds."

Pretty soon I will be going on a walk that will be different than any walk that I have walked before. It is something in-between a "Walk-a-bout in the Aboriginal sense and a yuppie/artist backpacking trip. I'll tell you more later.